Last updated: 24-Aug-18
By Seth Grotzke
(Editor’s warning: read with your tongue firmly in your cheek)
Race season is upon us and I have been itching to pull out my favorite accessories for race day. When I race, I want to make sure I utilise these three non-negotiable items in order to make my race all that it can be.
I encourage you to run out and purchase these as soon as possible…you don’t want to be left without these come race day.
1. Selfie sticks
For sure at the top of my list for multiple reasons, the most important being the mental advantage it gives me. Without this little metal manifestation of narcissism, I am a mere runner. With a selfie stick in my hand, I become the star of my own YouTube channel.
Every time I pass a poor soul who has no selfie stick, I subliminally communicate the message that I have come and conquered – I have passed beyond my need to be lost in the moment and in the forest. The whole idea of running to be part of something bigger than myself is overrated.
Selfie sticks also provide a welcomed adventure to boring trail events, particularly during out and back races. When two of us meet it is as close as I will ever get to experience the jousting events of King Arthur’s time.
A bit of warning. Selfie stick running is not something you can just pick up on race day. You have to practice. Getting just the right angles while dodging trees is a learned skill. Also, remember that this is about you, and everyone should know that.
If you hit someone else in the face, that is their problem. Every show has a star, that is what you provide for this race.
Coming in at a close second are my beloved earbuds. Paired with the selfie stick, these little gems level up any runner.
But these musical miracles not only help you shut out the annoying silence found in the forest, they also provide excellent cardio stimulation. For example, as I am rocking out in the middle of nowhere, the adrenaline rush of having someone run up behind me is awesome.
For that brief moment, my heart stops, the world ends, and I can hear my own screams above the blaring playlist. So much to love. Double this feeling if the one charging up behind you is a dog not on a leash. For this reason, make sure you keep your selfie stick handy so as to capture this memorable moment.
3. Five finger shoes
This final one is pure vanity. I wear them just because I love how they make my calves look so defined, and when I say “defined” I mean “grapefruit strapped to a broom stick” defined.
Sure I only last 5 miles in them, but for those 5 miles, everyone behind me thinks, “Wow. That guy sure has calves.”
What are your favorite trail running accessories? I am always looking for some new ideas to spice up the monotony of running through the woods with nothing to look at but boring ol’ nature.
Seth G just started twitter…ing over at @accidentalultra. His goal is to keep some “real” in the ultra scene and help provide a stabilising influence for the world through sarcasm.